Coping Mechanisms of Codependents of Alcohol Addiction

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Denial, control, compliance, and low self esteem are the usual coping mechanisms of codependents of alcohol addiction.

A Definition of Codependency and Messages in Dysfunctional Homes

image: view of alcoholism hospital OR Codependency is a pattern of habitual self-defeating coping mechanisms.

Codependency is usually a result of living in a home with someone who suffers from drug addiction or alcoholism.

In these dysfunctional homes, there are three messages that are not explicitly stated but nonetheless, reinforced everyday by unhealthy behaviors, actions, and beliefs.

These three messages are:

Don't trust
Don't talk
Don't feel

Healthy, Functional Families and Dysfunctional Households

In healthy, functional families, all members feel free to express their emotions, talk to one another, trust one another, and they fell free to tell the truth.

Living in an unhealthy environment where family members feel as if they have to continuously "walk on egg shells," however, leads to anxiety and tension.

image: female depressed over drinking problem In fact, stress levels and feelings of anxiety increase in such dysfunctional homes due to the rigid and inflexible rules, norms, and beliefs that are imposed on family members who are, in many respects, "held hostage" in the current family arrangement.

In many situations characterized by these dysfunctional living conditions, the result is that the codependent person or persons develop habitual self-defeating ways of coping in order to survive.

If this vicious cycle is not broken, the co-dependents eventually become out-of-touch with their own emotions. Ironically, the co-dependent person also becomes "addicted."

Over 40 percent of corporate CEOs who responded to one survey estimated that the use of alcohol and other drugs costs them from 1-10 percent of their payroll.

image: male ad for drug and alcohol therapy

In this instance, however, it is not an addiction to a harmful substance, but rather to a destructive pattern of relating to other people in the dysfunctional household.

Due to the fact that the co-dependent eventually looses touch with his or her emotions, the co-dependent bases his or her self-worth and behaviors, not on his or her own feelings and actions, but rather on the opinions, needs, moods, and actions of the person who is an alcoholic or chemically dependent.

Research has demonstrated that American children who are raised in single-family households are almost twice as likely to experience an alcohol-related problem such as alcohol abuse as compared with children who are raised by both parents in the same household.

Paradoxically, these harmful relationship patterns, in many instances, are perpetuated even after the alcoholic or chemically addicted person becomes sober or "clean." Certainly, when viewed from the outside, sobriety in the household would seem to lead to a less chaotic domestic situation.

When viewed from the inside, however, the co-dependents may be more depressed and unhappy than ever because the earlier balance, no matter how damaging or detrimental, has been upset.

If drinking alcohol is going to affect your ability to have children, not to mention the negative health consequences that alcohol presents to the woman who will be having the child, why not simply abstain from drinking alcohol while you are trying to have a child, while the mother is carrying the child, and while the mother is breast feeding the child.

Codependent Coping Mechanisms

The following is a list of the coping mechanisms typically used by codependents. Under each method of coping, examples are provided.

Denial

I deny my own needs and feelings in the name of being unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
I have a difficult time knowing what I feel.
I deny, change, or minimize how I truly feel.

Fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) is one of the most common known causes of infant mental retardation, and is the only cause of this deformity that is preventable. Babies with classic FAS are born abnormally small and typically do not manifest normal growth as they get older. Babies with FAS may be born with small eyes, small flat cheeks, or a short or upturned nose. Moreover, the organs, especially the heart, of the babies with FAS may not develop properly.

Low Self Esteem

I value others' approval of my feelings, actions, and thinking over my own.
I do not see myself as a worthwhile or lovable person.
I have a hard time making decisions.
I critically judge everything I say, do, or think as "not good enough."
I feel self-conscious when I receive positive strokes or gifts from others.
I do not ask others to honor my wants or desires.

image: female teenager needing alcohol rehab

A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, abuse, or misbehavior, by individual family members takes place on a continuing basis, leading other members of the family to perpetuate, enable, and reinforce such behaviors. Often, children grow up in dysfunctional families with the belief that such behaviors and ways of relating are "normal."

Compliance

I am afraid to express my own opinions and feelings, especially if they are different.
I ignore my own interests and desires in order to do what others want.
I turn to sex when I want love.
I am loyal to the point that I stay too long in destructive situations.
I value the opinions and feelings of others more than my own.
I do not assert my own values and integrity in order to avoid the anger and rejection of others.
I am overly sensitive to how others feel and adopt what they are feeling as my own.

Control

I become resentful when others refuse my help.
I use sex to get acceptance and approval.
I freely offer suggestions and advice without being asked by others.
I have to feel that I am needed before I can have a relationship with others.

Recently in some states, another type of "driving under the influence" has been identified, namely, driving under the combined influence of alcohol and other drugs. Interestingly, the drugs contributing to the impaired condition do not need to be illegal. That is, these "other drugs" can be legal prescriptions or even over-the-counter remedies
and treatments.

I go overboard with favors and gifts for people I care about.
I believe other people are not capable of taking care of themselves.
I try to persuade others how they "should" think and feel.
I freely offer suggestions and advice without being asked by others.

Coping Mechanisms of Codependents of Alcohol Addiction: Conclusion

image: male alcohol dependent person at bar Codependency is a pattern of habitual self-defeating coping mechanisms that is typically the consequence of living in a home with an individual who is a drug addict or an alcoholic.

In these "dysfunctional homes," there are three messages that are not explicitly stated but nevertheless, reinforced everyday by unhealthy behaviors, beliefs, and actions: don't feel, don't talk, and don't trust.

Low self esteem, control, denial, and compliance are the main coping mechanisms of codependents of alcohol addiction.

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Alcohol withdrawal syndrome is a group of symptoms manifested by individuals who stop drinking alcohol after a pattern of continuous and excessive consumption. These symptoms can range from mild to moderate to severe and include both psychological and behavioral aspects

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